Why Not?

I was having lunch with a co-worker when suddenly, he asked me 'Don't you miss home?' And without batting an eyelash, I gave him a straight answer -- 'No.'

In furnez, napaisip ako. Ganon? Hindi ba talaga ako naho-homesick? Teka, wait lang. Kelangan ba ako ma-bother? Bato na ba ako? Kelangan ba ako matakot?

So I took a step back (step!) and thought about the past few weeks I've been here and how I've been.

Eto ang aking na-gather na data.

Exhibit A. Aside from the fact that it took me only 3 days to adjust and my first weekend here was allotted to an 8hr-long drive to Chicago, mukha ngang rooted na ako. Well, at least for now. I guess it helps a great deal that this isn't the first time I have to work away from home...and I mean far, far away from home.

Exhibit B. Last weekend, I just went about doing my usual chores - magluto ng 3 putahe para ibaon for the whole week, maglaba, mamamalantsa at i-explore ang mga channels sa TV. As I was listing down my favorite channels, I thought...this isn't so bad. I am actually enjoying this. Weird. Awesome!

Exhibit C. Last Friday, videoke at inuman galore 'til 3am. Nice. Now this really feels like home...

Exhibit D. The occasional beeps from my fone. Messages from mom and my sis. Chat sessions with friends back home. Calls from friends and family here in the US. Friendster messages from Orange County. Conference calls from Manila, US, Prague and Singapore Evaughl Chapters. Actually, riot. Masaya. The world has become so small that I can reach out to people I love in just a matter of seconds. I honestly don't feel out of reach at all! Tama ang Smart. Simply amazing!

So, kelangan ba ako malungkot at ma-homesick? Maybe it's too soon to say. Pero kahit papano napapaisip din ako. Hindi kaya nasanay na ako sa buhay rito sa Amerika? What if I just don't know it but I'm actually already liking it here? Ewan. Isa akong malaking ewan personified. I think I may have come to love what I have now and live in the NOW. Maybe the secret lies in just loving what you have, but never forgetting what you had back then. I still miss what I had back home but for now, this is home. And that's actually a blessing. A great blessing.

Ano bang mood ko ngayon? Excited? Thrilled? Wala lang? All I know for sure is I find comfort in the certainty that I will go back someday. You see, change is always good. And life has been good. And I know it'll just get better.

Heck! I could be having fun and I don't even know it! So here I am, just living the life, standing by my two powerful words as my mantra...

Why not? :)

Natalie Angeline

It came to me as a shock when she told me the news. It was one of those things you wouldn't believe at first. But there it was. The shock of my year...she got you.

I honestly thought she wasn't ready for this but as the days passed by, I realized I could be wrong. Whenever she told me about you, she always had that very visible twinkle in her eye. And when I say, visible, I meant it in a way that I could see it even while she's in the car, driving at night. She was always talking about you and how she wants to be the best for you and how her life is changing each day. It was amazing just hearing her and watching her glow in excitement. And then I thought, maybe I was wrong. She is ready.

So as any great and caring girlfriend would do, I supported her. I prayed for her happiness. I always reminded her to take care of herself each time I see her tired from fighting. There were pretty steep cliffs and unbelievable hurdles but she held on to what she knows makes her happy. She held on to you.

But there was no preparing for last night. It was just the worst of the worst. Last night, she lost you...

I hated myself for being an ocean away when you left. It just wasn't right. I felt helpless as I was hearing her cry at the other end of the line. And then I heard it from her. It was for real. She lost you. She lost her baby Natalie Angeline...

It is sad Natalie that you never knew how wonderful your mom would've been to you. You never got to know how lucky you could've been. From the time she knew she has you in her until the last heartbeat you had when she gave birth to you, you were loved. Deeply.

But then again, maybe HE told you that already.

Well, I don't know a lot things. I might never understand why it happened. But I know for sure you've become your mom's angel. I know you're guiding her and loving her even from up there.

I wish you'd know that my friend will always love you even if she just held you in her arms for a few minutes. Those five months and precious moments were more than enough for her to know she's been a mother to you.

But then again...maybe I got my wish already.

Two

Two months ago - my last post.

Two weeks ago, I landed in the Twin Cities.

Two days ago, I missed being with a friend in Chicago.

Two hours to lunch.

Two more days and I'll be partying and sleeping all weekend.

Two more weeks to get my first pay.

Two months to my birthday.

Two months after that, I'll be coming home for Christmas.

Two weeks after that, I'll be back here to freeze in the Twin Cities.

Come to think of it...I might be beginning to love you - TWO. What's not to love? You're a good number. You're never alone. And I'm looking forward to how you will transform my life. We'll be together for a long time and you'll probably love me, TWO as much I'm beginning to love you.

2 seconds, 2 minutes, 2 hours, 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 quarters, 2 years...

Two minutes to edit this post.

Two seconds to publish this post.

Two happy thoughts.