This Girl's InLab With U Pare!

Note: Para sa mga in-lab sa barkada nila ang blog entry na 'to! :)

1:18am Sunday. Gising pa ako. Kakaiba 'to. Usually gising lang ako ng gantong oras kapag nasa gimik, minumulto (may multo sa kwarto ko...pero different blog entry na lang yun) o kaya sobrang bondat sa kabusugan. So anong sagot sa pagpupuyat ko? Letter D. As in D. None of the above.

Namfoknat naman! Kung kelan ako tumanda at nagkaisip, saka ko pinagdadaanan ang highschool emotional whirl.

You know how it goes... Matagal ng friends si girl and guy. Ok naman sila. Masaya. Gaguhan. Kulitan. From the start, si girl tingin lang kay guy ay friend. Si guy naman, tingin kay girl one of the boys. But nooooo!!! After 10,000 years, nagising si girl.

Tiiiiiiinnnnngggg!!!

DAH! Like pala niya si guy. And I mean SOBRANG LIKE, like super like to the point na naisip niya, siya na yata ang kanyang THE ONE. Just when this happened, saka nagsabi si guy na may nakilala syang girl na decided na nyang ligawan dahil he firmly believes, ito na ang kanyang THE ONE.

O di ba? Matagal nang kumita 'to sa mga kanta, pelikula, email chains at kahit sa Love Notes ni Joe D Mango, nabulaslas na 'to.

So let me say it again. Namfoknat naman!

How can you reconcile that and just accept that just when you finally realized that your THE ONE has another THE ONE in mind? Anlabo di ba? Pero syempre, kelangan kong paalalahanan ang sarili ko na dalagang Pilipina ako kaya wala akong gagawin. Hahayaan ko na lang ang kirot sa paminsan-minsang pagkukwento niya tungkol sa DA GIRL nya. Wish upon a star na lang na magiging ok din ako. In time. Mamanhid din.

So what are my next steps? Ipapaskel ko sa salamin sa CR ko ang phrase 'This too shall pass' para maalala ko na isa itong pagtutunggali ng mind over heart at gagawin ko ang lahat para si mind ang manalo. Paulit-ulit kong sasabihin na 'Wala lang 'to!' kapag sinusumpong sya ng pagka-sweet at sa paningin ko cute pa rin sya kahit mukhang hindi nagsuklay at walang kwenta pumorma. Itutuloy ko pa rin ang chat sessions at full attendance pa rin ako sa mga gimiks para mag-shopping o lumabas sa kung saan man dahil we're just friends and friends do that at dahil na rin mao-obvious kung iiwas ako. Hahayaan ko ang sarili ko na tumingin sa paligid at maghanap ng ibang prospects dahil wala na talagang pag-asa 'to. At higit sa lahat, hindi na muna ako makikinig ng senti music while rain is dripping down my window pane para maiwasan ang MTV moments that I so love to succumb to.

Haaaay! Please tell me, this is a brilliant plan. Puh-leaaaaseeeee...

Goodluck! Goodluck na lang talaga to me!

Pano Ubusin Ang 8 Hrs...

Requirement: Internet access. Preferrably DSL at wireless

Optional : Food and drink of your choice conveniently placed within your reach


1. Catch up on cheeezmeeez. Go to E! News Online, Pep.ph

2. Youtube. Forever.

3. Organize your mp3 collection by Artist, Genre, OST, Moment Needed, etc

4. Blog at magbasa ng blog ng iba. Stalk!!!

5. Follow-up on #4. Go on a stalker mode with Friendster, Multiply, Facebook, etc.

6. Maglinis at mag-organize ng Outlook inbox, sent at deleted items.

7. Chat galore

8. Matulog. Pero kelangan ang cube mo ay perfectly positioned to be obscure. At utang na loob, wag ka mag-snore kung ayaw mo mahuli.

Random Boredom

Medyo lang super duper bored na ako at naatat na akong umuwi. It's 442pm here and I'm waiting for my carpool buddy to finish working. It's our own small way of saving mother earth by chunking up less gas. At least, isa sa amin totoong nagtatrabaho 'di ba? Ako, heto. Nakanganga. Naghihintay kung matutuloy ba 'tong project namin o hindi. Ewan ko ba. Tinopak ang client namin. Kesyo kulang daw sa budget. Kesyo 'di raw nila yata kelangan ang ide-develop naming application kaya wag na lang paggastusan. Kesyo pag-iisipan pa raw nila. Mga 2 weeks daw. Kaya heto, wala akong choice kundi bumanjing at mag-pretend na hindi ako natatakot kung saan ako pupulutin kung hindi matuloy 'tong project na 'to. For 2 whole weeks.

Actually, medyo nakakatamad na nga. Gusto ko namang may gawin. Pero tapos ko na rin kasi ang mga tasks ko for until next week (Ay! Ganon? Pabiboh?). Mga chenelyn chembular ribbon trimmings na lang ang kulang at plangak! Deliverable na! Kaya pagbigyan nyo na ako. May karapatan akong tumanga, at mag-blog ng thought bubbles ko. Wag ka na mainis. Binabasa mo rin naman 'to. Pampalipas oras mo rin 'to.

Ok. Tama na 'to. Uwian na!

Grey Area

I was cleaning up my PC when I saw this article I wrote few years ago. You know that weird feeling when you read something and you realize it was you who wrote it? Well, this one is way off the charts. I was just shocked after I read it. I don't remember sounding so idealistic, so hopeful and a little sad until I bumped into this! Now that I'm thinking about it, I actually don't know why I never posted it back then and why I'm posting it now. Well, maybe, just maybe, there's a thing or two that can be learned aside from being more realistic, less kind and forward-looking (kidding!). So just read on. For me, it was just serious yet entertaining... :)


I am in one very, very gray area. Some say I’ve been here too long. I wake up each day asking myself “Is this the day yet?”, hoping that I’ll finally know if I should run away or I should keep on fighting. It’s like waiting for a sign and as each day passes, I get more and more scared that it might not come. But then I see him trying to make up for time lost and for mistakes made. The fear diminishes a little as I see him fighting too. But then I see my other foot is still outside, ready to take the hopeful other foot away from the ground of ‘What if I stay?’.

Cool off. I don’t get it why people call something that’s definitely not a cool situation to be in. But there’s truth in it being off. It does really feel off. Some may call it taking time and giving space between the couple. But it’s just that gray area between together and separated, between holding on and giving up, between saying ‘I love you’ and crying ‘Goodbye’. There’s a thin line between loving someone and wasting your time. And this is the time to know which side you’re in. It’s a mixed bag of what ifs, past memories, emotions, opinions and blank moments. But there’s one painful truth in the cool off stage. You’re apart. And it’s just one sigh away in becoming final.

In moments like these, some things are never quite enough. You’d think he didn’t fight for me enough. His patience was not enough. He didn’t appreciate me enough. He didn’t understand me enough. He didn’t care enough. He didn’t love me enough. But when all is over and when you’ve finally decided to let it go, you’d still wonder. Did I try hard enough?

I am at that spot. Am I trying hard enough?

It’s ironic. Just when I thought I can let go, I chose to stay.

Once it was said, in a lifetime, you’d meet your core-changing person. Someone will shake you like a visitor shakes a snow glass when she sees it on display. It’s a visitor’s urge because she knows there’s more to it than what is inside the water-filled glass. I don’t know with core-changing people but with visitors, somehow, there’s beauty in seeing the snow fall.

I am inside that snow glass. And he just happens to be my core-changing person.

When do you say this is just too little, too late? When do you draw the line and say this is the part where we should quit? When do you say that I am wasting my time and I must go on? When is it right to give that second chance? When do you rise above the occasion and tell the world to hell with what they think cause you’re going to stay?

When is it braver to leave and let go?

When you both realize that there is a wide open door, when it hits you that it’s perfectly fine to leave, when you appreciate that it is possible that both of you can get out of this unscathed. When you know you both can be happy apart. The desperation is gone. There’s no one to blame. No bitterness to feel.

That’s when you know you’re free.